Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
