Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
