At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
