hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
