I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize