Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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