Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
