if you like me you must not know who I am
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have aggressive nipples.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
