When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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