She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
