Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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