I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
