Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
