my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize