Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
