I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
