i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
