So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
