In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
