I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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