I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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