im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mom said you looked used
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I AM VODKA MAN
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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