I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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