And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
