Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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