I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
