there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
