The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
