; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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