I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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