well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
