It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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