you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
