I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize