I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
