he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
50% drunk capacity currently
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
