Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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