I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
