Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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