I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize