i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
