worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
