last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
