I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
