I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
