Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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