Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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