I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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