There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
