At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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