so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
