Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
