Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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