this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
