my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
