she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
