"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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