Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
how drunk are you?
Several
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
