I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
