we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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