Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
