I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
