It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
