We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
