I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
