she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
