Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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