i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
