there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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