yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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